A Fool’s Paradise

Human mind is a bizarre thing indeed.Little do we know,how it works.One second,we have it all figured out,next we question our own existence.

In times of adversity,our vulnerable,beaten and damaged heart,looks for consolation and care.It maybe at an unconscious level,but our heart latches itself to the closest emotional support and feeds on it.Often thus,our minds mask reality,in order to feed off these tiny rays of light,in the otherwise,dark and desolate room.And thus,we become emotionally affixed.It is generally,a good thing,unless fate has planned that your heart will be ripped to shreds,by none other than your emotional support.

It becomes rather complicated when you give your heart away to “that person”,It becomes even more bizarre ,when your feelings are not reciprocated.And just when you come to think,”Come on!!It cannot get any worse”, you discover that she is in love with someone else.

There are two possible things you can do when you discover your feelings are not reciprocated. Firstly,you can cut out all contact. Easier said than done,when she is your ONLY emotional support. Second option is to,keep your mouth shut,your feelings on hold,and act like everything is common place. Even when things cannot go more wrong. Hence you keep the smile on your face,and convince yourself mentally,that things are okay. Convince yourself that she likes you. Convince yourself that her lover does not exist. Convince yourself, in the anticipation,that pretending something, can indeed make it come true. Its a pipe dream. A fine theory,indeed. But it all goes upside down,when the wheel of fortune smothers you. When you have irrefutable evidence in front of you,and you cannot hoodwink yourself anymore. You cannot hide anymore. You cannot mask reality anymore. You just simply have to accept it. You just have to accept the fact that some things are never meant to happen.No matter how much you want it,no matter how hard you try,no matter how much feel like you deserve it.

You realize that when she looks at him,she has a certain spark in her eyes.The same spark you have when you look at her.But not when she looks at you.There comes a moment when you finally realize that you are not as important to her as she is to you.When you realize her happiness is not dependent on you,and she is happy with someone else,and you are no longer required.And when THAT moment of realization comes to you,you become lost.You just don’t know what to do anymore.Your faith on this world wavers.You wonder,whether there is another world….a better world.

There comes a time when you have to let go.It hurts a lot.It hurts as much as holding on,holding on to something,that isn’t there.It is one of those situations,when there is nothing you can do to change anything,so you have to bear the pain,take it in your stride,with some faint hope of better days.

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My trip to Bokajan

As they say,the hardest step is the first one.

I found it was quite true,indeed. As I came to Bokajan,my fathers house,a little known town in a small district, Karbi Anglong of Assam, I found the place,underwhelming. Being a lad of Kolkata, born and bred there, I found it hard to adjust to the country life. There are more hardships, and you don’t spend your time doing facebook, or flicking the television channels. Rather,you have to participate in homely activities,and help out others. You have to partake in social conversations, which is not of the norm, for a teenager living in Kolkata, who spends most of his time, surfing the net, or studying.

But as days passed by, the place growed on me. I started falling in love with the quite, peaceful country life .It was serene,and a different kettle of fish to the life I used to lead. The natural beauty of the place was breathtaking, and it was a breath of fresh air for me, literally and metaphorically.

My board exams were over,and after weeks of burying myself in books,and sleep less nights(needless to say),I craved freedom and entertainment. Of course moving from the city and my friends,restricted me from effectuating my ambition. I did not support our trip initially, but mom craved to meet dad,and when I heard internet was available there, I caved in too.

If I have learnt one thing in this short life of mine,its that our expectations are seldom in correspondence with reality. Our trip there was of 16 days,and only in the first day,I was bored out of my wits. This just in,in nationwide shocker,the internet was slower than a handicapped snail.

Or maybe,it was too fast for my eyes to register its movements.For some inexplicable reason,I suspect it’s the former.

What I have noticed here, is the nights are quite different from the city nights. The nights at the city are filled with various streetlights,lamps,lights from numerous buildings etc.Anyone who has lived in the city knows that whenever we go out at night,we can easily visualize the paths we are to walk on .I find here,I am much closer to mother nature. There is very little artificial lighting. When I walk out and stand beneath the full moon, there are no sources of illumination apart from the moonlight .I can see the palm trees in the distance swaying in the light comfortable breeze. All other dark figures out there ,seem like mountains towering over me.

It was as if I knew nothing about it , but it knew everything about me. As I stood out there, I felt very unprotected and vulnerable. It is a truly fearsome prospect. One underestimates how the darkness of the night encompasses and overpowers you. Some say it’s the fear of the unknown. I felt the night had devoured me. Its not possible to experience this in the city. Words cannot do justice,to the feelings experienced by me, when I stood out there facing the endless night.

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